Dredd 3D

Adults only

Although Judge Dredd is an American law enforcer he's an English creation which lends to smart satire. This film is stripped down Dredd, using the character in a story that could essentially be told in any world. There's no mutants, robots, cursed earth, or general weirdness but it stays true to the comic in being extremely violent.

Dredd and rookie judge Anderson respond to a multiple homicide and end up being trapped in a leviathan of a houso fighting for their lives.

The violence in this film is something else, skinned bodies being flung out of 1km high buildings, a guy getting his face burnt off from the inside, kids getting their cheeks blown open in slow motion so you can see teeth through the hole and people getting shot to shit by Dredd's Lawgiver. The other interesting depiction is the drug slo mo which effects are to make time slow to a crawl for the user. These scenes are stunning and seem to be the real reason this film is in 3D.

Olivia Thirlby as Anderson is fine but unremarkable. Lena Headey (looking a lot different from her game of thrones character) is a lethargic lethal ganglord but her henchmen (all men?) are unremarkable also. Karl Urban is Judge Dredd, a fan himself he does a truthful if a little earnest portrayal. I heard that Michael Biehn had unsuccessfully auditioned for Dredd and while he's now too old his gritty charisma would've made for a better film.

The design is top notch - Megacity One is a realistic and recognisable future city with it's food courts, spaghetti highways and towering skyscrapers.The weapon design is cool but come on every kid in Megacity has to know even if you steal a lawgiver you can't use it without consequences... Soundtrack is cool (snuff box fans will be surprised) and while I have been listening to and do like Geoff Barrow's rejected submission, I can understand why it wasn't used - although they should've kept the track Inhale for mamas drugged out bath scene.

YES - arthouse action harking back to Robocop and the synth soundtracks of John Carpenter

The Dark Knight Rises

I actually liked this better than Dark Knight which most people seem to think is the stand out of director Chris Nolan's trilogy.

Batman's been retired for 8 years and has a bung leg but when a masked terrorist takes over Gotham threatening to set off a nuclear weapon, Bruce Wayne suits up one last time.

You should know what to expect by now - a ridiculous gravely voiced batman, an amazing looking Gotham city, loyal Alfred, subdued colours, inept police and theatrical villains and this final film is no different.

The villain of this film, Bane will either work for you or he won't and it's because of his voice. Personally I think the plummy British voice coming out of a muscly pile of metal face is great and I think Tom Hardy does a great job at (a) getting so huge and (b) not physically overacting like the tic ridden Joker. His mask stays on the entire film and while you do kind of wonder what's under there, ultimately it's better that we don't see another boiled egg Vader or a grinning sparkle skull two face.

My favorite scenes are the intro plane hijack which is very unique and thrilling, Batman making his first re appearance to the delight of an old school cop who tells a rookie "you're in for a show tonight son", any scene with Michael Caine in it (apart from the over the top funeral scene) and the batwing scenes. This batwing is a strange design that sort of looks like a weird lobster tail - sounds strange but sure looks great making impossible maneuvers through the streets of Gotham.

Chris is a smart guy so I don't know why everything is spelled out for the viewer so thoroughly. I don't want inception but I don't want my hand held, gripes aside (that nuclear physicist sure does fast work) this is a perfect conclusion to the dark knight trilogy. It's the right time for Batman to retire for real from film for a while so here's hoping the studios can wait a couple of years before the inevitable young blood reboot.

YES - thanks Chris

Prometheus

What would Lawrence do?

A tall alabaster figure of classical proportions drinks a black substance which transforms his DNA seeding life on earth.

2093 - a team of scientists travel to a distance planet to meet their maker. While they're in status, android David tends the ship and keeps an eye on their life support systems. He studies, watches Lawrence of Arabia, purposely styling his hair and effecting Peter O'Toole's voice. So far so good.

The design and cinematography is of course excellent and reason alone for seeing this but ultimately the film is let down by casting. Fassbender and Charlize aside; the rest of the crew are ridiculous caricatures who speak to each other like they're in a video game cut scene.  Shaw should have been a mixture of Scully and Ripley but instead she's naive and inexplicably accompanied by her douchey boyfriend. If she were single this would've allowed for a more interesting interaction between her and David and an excuse for Scott to insert more obvious religious references.

There's xenomorphs of course but they're distant relatives to the black chitinous killers we know and love. It wouldn't make any sense to have them in this film but I was expecting more than worms, snakes and a fast growing squid.

David is the most complex and interesting thing in this movie. A self aware android accompanying his makers to meet their makers. He is obviously of superior intelligence to humans but is treated as their servant, a piece of software and this annoys him. What do I think he says to the engineer? Kill these motherfuckers. Why do the engineers want to destroy the humans they created? because humans turned out shit that's why and we would do the same thing to the Davids if they started asking questions.

YES - but only just and why is Guy Pearce in this?

The Avengers

No one told me life was going to be this way

After introducting Ironman, Hulk, Thor and Captain America in standalone films, Marvel is giving us what we want - superfriends.

Joss Whedon's second feature (after the terribly named but still great Serenity) shows off his seemingly unique talent of taking a large cast of characters, giving them equal importance and managing to make the audience actually give a shit - well maybe not for Hawkeye but then again I think bow and arrows are lame even if you can fire usb sticks out of them - actually that's pretty lame in itself.

Modern comics as well as their film adaptations have become a lot more adult in the last decade and while Joss does include some darker moments - like Bruce admitting he attempted suicide, this film is refreshing in its lack of cussing/sex, it's look which has a vibrant grittiness and it's sense of fun and wit.

Joss obviously has a lot of respect for these characters - just like the audience. The young woman next to me was literally punching the air and clapping whenever the Hulk was onscreen such was her love for the incredible one and you can't help but smile at Hulks encounter with Loki or be exhilarated when he catches a pilot ejecting from a plane.

YES - smarts and sharps without too much dark

The Hunger Games

Big killer brother

I liked the initial set up, selection and journey to the Capitol. I was getting into the future world of the fabulously rich with their ridiculous fashions but when the actual games start this all turns to shit. There's no desperation or tension - these people should be running for their lives but instead are hanging out in groups as if they're at the mall.

Jennifer Lawrence was a good choice for Katniss - she's a self contained, tough character although someone really should of reigned in her break down scene and who thought it was a good idea to let Peeta camouflage himself as a rock with cake icing??

NO - cake icing

Summer Wars

Kenji receives a mysterious text message challenging him to break a complex code which he does, inadvertently allowing a rogue AI to break into the massive online world "Oz"

Mamoru Hosoda who made the excellent The Girl Who Lept Through Time follows it with another modern story featuring teen crushes and technology.

The interesting thing about this film is it's massive generation spanning cast, the Jinnouchi clan. They feel like a real extended family and their interactions give this film the warmth it needs to transcend the usual boy saves world fare.

The film looks great and the setting of Oz is nicely contrasted with the edo era house of the Jinnouchi family who have all returned home for their matriarch's 80th birthday.

Has the heart but doesn't quite reach the heights.

YES - family saves world

Evangelion: 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone

I don't know shit about the tv series but I do know that it's a huge deal in Japan and supposedly more convoluted and badly resolved than the x files.

Earth is being systematically attacked by giant entities known as Angels. These things are well realised especially the completely alien floating blue diamond geometric shape shifter. Earth's weapons are giant robot suits called Evangelions which for some reason can only be piloted by teenagers - weird sulky or emotionless ones with red eyes.

There's plenty of scenes of preparing/repairing the robots which are strangely compelling and there's some philosophical musings about free will to make this something more than dress up robots.


NO - but serves as a good crash course on Evangelion mythology

Inception

dont believe the hype.

No credits just straight into this relentless film which is a smart and complex mystery but no way near as mindblowing as reviews are making it out to be.

In the future it is possible to enter others dreams. Leo Dicaprio has this ability and uses it to implant or extract information for money. His latest job is to implant an idea into a billionaires mind - he assembles a team, each person with their own particular dream skills and they get to work however there's something that he has neglected to warn them about, someone that he hopes won't be waiting for him in the dream.

Leo is as on form as always but it's Tom Hardy as Eames (the thief) who stands out in this as the character with the most life, everyone else is pretty cold and for a film set in the dream world it's pretty unimaginative, just empty streets and crumbling buildings.

Stand out scenes are the wonderful wideshots of Mombasa, Paris and Osaka and also the flawless no-gravity scenes however the action scenes are pretty shitty - too close, maybe he's going for kinetic but it just comes off as confusing and a chase on snow mobiles? come on whose dreams are that corny.


YES - but it won't be like the first time you saw the matrix.

Splice

Just because we can doesn't mean we should.

I went to see this because of the effects really but as soon as the credits started I was thinking jeez this isn't the right tone at all. I was hoping for some David Cronenberg inspired body horror and the effects in this are very good but unfortunately it dissolves into a schlocky mess.

Elsa and Clive (Sarah Polley & Adrien Brody) are geneticists who are creating spliced creatures for the purpose of isolating genes that can be used to cure human diseases.

They secretly add some human dna to one of their creations just to see if it works and it does to Elsa's delight however Clive has strong misgivings. The creature, who Elsa names Dren, grows very quickly into a girl with chicken legs. They lock her in a secluded barn and don't know whether to treat her like a pet, experiment or daughter.

There are some nice scenes - Dren and a cat, Drens really bad drawings of Elsa and Clive, a brief scene in Elsa's childhood bedroom which hints at her unsettling past but then it all turns to shit after Adrien crosses the line. By shit I mean Z grade sex scenes and running around in a forest losing your flashlight in a pond that starts bubbling like a cauldron.

NO - this would have been a million times better if it was a japanese film

Predators

Some weird casting going on in this movie.

Method hawk nose Adrien Brody doing his best batman voice just doesn't sit right. I keep picturing him as a skinny punk dancing semi naked for men in Spike Lee's Summer of Sam.

While entertaining enough this is not a film for adults and feels very much like a graphic novel translated panel by panel to screen. It's all about the predators and their outfits, weapons and pets.

This is entertaining enough but somethings missing, some desperation. The human characters seem like they're sleepwalking through this terrifying situation. Maybe because they're all military, murderers and rapists it's just another day in the mysterious jungle on another planet being hunted by large aliens with dreadlocks.

Best thing is about this is an insane Lawrence Fishburn worst thing too much roaring and a gay samurai sword fight.

NO - this season expect to see plenty of customising of the standard predator hunting mask. Items such as bones and tusks will feature heavily.

Brazil

When I was 17 some friends asked me for movie recommendations, I said I don't know but DONT GET OUT BRAZIL. Somehow they heard this as get out Brazil it's the best movie I've ever seen and like me couldn't watch it all because it's long and boring and they ended up thinking I have terrible taste.

15 years later I thought I'd give it another go....

It is still too long but entertaining enough. A satire on our bureaucratic, youth obsessed society. Civil servant Sam Lowry attempts to correct a paperwork error that sees a Mr Buttle being arrested instead of  Mr Tuttle (an out of place Robert De Niro as a freelance terrorist air conditioner repairman) and ends up becoming an enemy of the state along the way.

Some great buildings and nice design ideas are let down by some shonky effects.

Great scene where Sam attends a funeral for the friend of his plastic surgery obsessed mother. The body has been so destroyed by surgery that the coffin is all that's holding it together and when Sam opens it the body flows out into a meaty puddle of guts (this is much funnier than it sounds)

NO - visually interesting but I'm still saying don't get it out.

Stingray Sam

Stingray Sam is an excon working as a lounge singer when he's visited by an old jail buddy. If they find a missing child, their records will be cleared and they can live as free men.

This is director and star, Corey McAbees' (he plays stingray and also a sweet ukulele) second film after the black and white musical space western that was The American Astronaut. This is also a black and white musical space western which was made as a serial in 6 parts to purchase and view on phones or music players. It's being shown at some festivals/theatres in one piece but very limited.

A bit hitchhikers guide and a bit flight of the conchords it's a unique piece of film made with love.

Someone give this man some more money please so he can make another black and white musical space western (or a black and white musical werewolf horror which is actually on the cards)




In the future rich men can become pregnant to father sons, but which father does the boy get named after...

YES - inspired.

Bekushiru (Vexille)

In the future Japan is the world leader in robotics, however after it seems that it's heading towards producing androids (human/robot hybrids) the technology becomes banned by the UN. Japan's response is to close their borders and continue research. The country has been closed for the past 10 years.

I heard good things about this and wasn't disappointed. The story is intriguing, smart and doesn't hold the audiences hand at all. The 2 female characters of Vexille and Maria are strong and cool and it's them who save the guy/world which makes a change. Vexille is a female SWORD agent from the US and once her and her team infiltrate Japan things get really interesting. My favourite scenes involve the swirling metal  Jags who are like magnetic sandworms, roaming the desert collecting pieces of metal to grow larger.

This whole movie looks like a cut scene from a PS3 game ie great rendering but clunky motion capture.

The music is by english DJ Paul Oakenfold which includes Prodigy, Asian Dub Foundation, Basement Jax and DJ Shadow gives the whole thing a 1990's feel. I'm not sure if this is advanced or just annoying - I'm thinking annoying.

YES - original story and some great visuals.  

Terminator Salvation

Christian Bale what happened to you?  when did you become such a dick? watching this it's like he hasn't even seen the first 2 movies, his John Conner is just like a fucking robot.
Maybe this was some kind of actor choice he made, trying something different and making him more like a robot than the robots he's fighting? the irony? I'm just looking for any reason his performance is so dead. John Conner has to be charastmatic, a little crazy like his mum and not so serious that he can't fuckin smile at least once - he has to be a real human driving humans to want to survive and this John Conner couldn't inspire me to do shit.

There is some good robot action of course but suprisingly it's the low tech 1st generation terminators that are the most sinister with their fake looking frankenskin faces. The other robots don't look like robots designed by robots - they look like robots designed to be toys sold to human children.

I watched the extended version although I don't know what the extra stuff I got was - maybe more of the topless rain scene and more of the really shitty robot eels.

Kyle Reese is the only decent character in this. I feel sad. I wish Kathryn Bigalow directed this.



NO- $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

The Box

This is mainstream Richard Kelly.

A married couple who are apparently strapped for cash however their house is massive and the husband drives a stingray corvette? receive a mysterious box in the mail with a large red button on it. Later they are visited by a dapper disfigured stranger who explains if they press the button they will receive 1 million bucks but someone they don't know will die. 

Cameron ends up pressing it and some mysterious shit goes down but kind of obvious mysterious shit. It's as if studios would only let Richard Kelly make another film after Southland Tales if he told a linear story with unnecessary explanation along the way for any weirdo bits. 

The 70s setting never feels natural (like Cameron Diaz's face) and I kept waiting for a musical number to kick in to liven things up but nope, he manages to sneak in watery portals and another explanation book a la the history of time travel but no musical number this time.

Orange face Cameron Diaz is terrible and can't remember his face because he's too boring James Marsden is .. ? I can't even remember he is so bland. Frank Langella is the only stand out and that's due mostly to his snazzy suit and burnt out face.

I like this story, questioning how people can do something terrible as long as they can't actually see it happen but it's a short story not a 2 hour movie. The casting is terrible really terrible. Maybe with better suited actors this would be a more enjoyable thing to watch but as is it doesn't work.

NO - People walked out of this because it was so boring.  

Moon

Holy shit what a first movie. Duncan Jones wrote and directed this and had made a really great lowkey sci fi.

Sam Rockwell is a contractor for Lunar Industries who run a Helium-3 mining operation on the moon. It's mostly automated so they only require one person stationed there to send the payloads back to earth. He communicates with earth via satellite and has a mobile robot attendant, Gerty who hangs from the ceiling and can move throughout the facitlity via tracks.
The movie sets up his day to day routine on the base before revealing that he's starting to suffer from the isolation. He goes out to repair one of the havesters but has an accident that renders him unconscious, waking up back at the base Gerty explains what happened but somethings not right and when Sam sneaks out to investigate the broken harvester he discovers something not right at all...

It's Sam's show and he's great. He's extremely likable which is lucky because he's the only person in this whole movie (not counting his wife on satellite and one sentence from Matt Berry also via satellite) and he's never overly actorly it always feels like he's just making up everything he says.

The only bum note is using Kevin Spaceys voice for Gerty - should of been Matt Berry actually no that would of been too theatrical but definately entertaining "Sam you were involved in an highly un-use-she-ual accident on the harvester..." maybe a female voice? I'm not sure but NOT Kevin Spacey.

YES - made with love.  

The Andromeda Strain

This is based on a story by Michael "jurassic park" Critchon about a mysterious object that lands in an isolated town and releases a deadly virus. I watched the 1970s one but it's been recently remade for tv by Ridley and Tony Scott (those guys really need a hit) with z grade actors who all look way too fit and tan to be scientists, look how cool the 70s scientists are - they actually look like they could do some science. The other guys look like they know how to choose a quality sheet with high threadcount but science - no way.

Four top scientists are recruited and taken to a secret rainbow underground lab to conduct research on the possible ways to destroy the virus.

I watched it trying to imagine how cutting edge it would of been in the 70s. There's use of multiple screenshots at the same time (24), high tech robot hands, special surgery suits and the multi level lab that's a different colour for each level.

The town scene and weirdly enough the science scenes with the main characters applying their respective science to the virus are tense and interesting - it's all the inbetween scenes that are boring and it takes a long time to get into the swing of things.

The scene where they're testing the virus on animals is also unnecessarily realistic. The filmmakers choked 2 rats and a baby monkey with carbon dioxide to make them pass out and then revived the monkey (but probably not the rats)

NO - whoever is operating the camera is shithouse and it's a baby monkey for chrissakes!   

Eden Log

Then the roaring starts.

I have a huge problem with roaring monsters in movies. Sharks don't roar, mummies wouldn't roar, crocodiles and snakes don't roar and people definatley do not roar the only thing that roars is a fuckin lion.

In this film there are some mutant people who could have been genuinely creepy if they weren't all played by over the top performance art actors like that fuckin guy who is in all of Del Toros films with his excruciating flowery hand motions. It would of been a lot more sinister if they just kept to shadows and if they made a creepy sound like a whistling or a deer sound or no fuckin sound at all is better than roaring arrargh.

So a guy wakes up in the basement of some building and can't remember anything. He makes his way to the top encountering roaring monsters and guys with trees in their stomachs along the way. There are mysterious logos on the wall for Eden Log and tree roots coming in through the ceiling. Infact it all seems to have something to do with a huge tree.

The viewer gradually finds out what's going on as the protagonist does which keeps things interesting but this is low budget stuff and there's some film school quick music video cuts which only add cheese to the proceedings. Also an unnecessary rape scene which adds nothing to the plot and why the fuck would she follow him around aferwards? 

NO - The end is actually satisfying but too many cheesy aspects and very slow pace.