The Bad Seed

(she burns him alive)

Kristine and Kenneth seem to have the perfect daughter, eight year old Rhoda (played by 11 year old Patty McCormack) however this jewelled sunglass wearing, rollerskating charmer is actually an amoral psychopath.

After a boy drowns at a school picnic and his drunken mother turns up at her house ranting, Kristine begins to suspect that Rhoda may have had something to do with the death.

It's slightly campy but is actually an extremely dark story of a serial killer. So dark that the film makers changed the original books ending and added a light hearted comedy scene during the credits.

Rhoda is an icy calculating shit but seems to have quite modern sensibilities, well maybe without the murders but she's materialistic and an expert at emotional manipulation.

YES - girl hasn't gone bad, girls born bad.

Splice

Just because we can doesn't mean we should.

I went to see this because of the effects really but as soon as the credits started I was thinking jeez this isn't the right tone at all. I was hoping for some David Cronenberg inspired body horror and the effects in this are very good but unfortunately it dissolves into a schlocky mess.

Elsa and Clive (Sarah Polley & Adrien Brody) are geneticists who are creating spliced creatures for the purpose of isolating genes that can be used to cure human diseases.

They secretly add some human dna to one of their creations just to see if it works and it does to Elsa's delight however Clive has strong misgivings. The creature, who Elsa names Dren, grows very quickly into a girl with chicken legs. They lock her in a secluded barn and don't know whether to treat her like a pet, experiment or daughter.

There are some nice scenes - Dren and a cat, Drens really bad drawings of Elsa and Clive, a brief scene in Elsa's childhood bedroom which hints at her unsettling past but then it all turns to shit after Adrien crosses the line. By shit I mean Z grade sex scenes and running around in a forest losing your flashlight in a pond that starts bubbling like a cauldron.

NO - this would have been a million times better if it was a japanese film

Good Hair

Is your hair suitably relaxed?

Chris Rock hosts this short, funny jaunt through hair salons, barber shops, beauty schools and hair battle royales revealing just what woman go through to keep their hair unnaturally straight.

Chris chats with norms and his famous friends about relaxer (sodium hydroxide that damages the hair structure stopping it from curling) and expensive weaves (strips of human hair sewn into plaited hair)

It's all pretty fun but there's dark undertones - the indoctrination of young girls into thinking that getting your hair straightened is just what you do, that an afro is untidy and people wont take you seriously in the business world if your hair isn't eurosmooth.

YES - Pepa's trend setting side hair is a result of relaxer chemical burn.

Predators

Some weird casting going on in this movie.

Method hawk nose Adrien Brody doing his best batman voice just doesn't sit right. I keep picturing him as a skinny punk dancing semi naked for men in Spike Lee's Summer of Sam.

While entertaining enough this is not a film for adults and feels very much like a graphic novel translated panel by panel to screen. It's all about the predators and their outfits, weapons and pets.

This is entertaining enough but somethings missing, some desperation. The human characters seem like they're sleepwalking through this terrifying situation. Maybe because they're all military, murderers and rapists it's just another day in the mysterious jungle on another planet being hunted by large aliens with dreadlocks.

Best thing is about this is an insane Lawrence Fishburn worst thing too much roaring and a gay samurai sword fight.

NO - this season expect to see plenty of customising of the standard predator hunting mask. Items such as bones and tusks will feature heavily.

Stacy's Knights

I bought this for 2 reasons:
a) it has kevin costner in it
b) it was 50c on dvd from Dimmies

The cover is very misleading - this isn't about a glamorous crew of misfits beating the casinos, it's 3 weirdos - shy Stacy, huckery Jean and young Kevin hanging out in a log cabin, drinking and playing blackjack.

The actual sting part that the poster suggests is only in the final 10 minutes and involves Stacy dressing up like a man, who looks a lot like Roach from People Under the Stairs, to sneak into the one casino they were banned from.

Oh and did I mention Stacy's not just good at card counting, she actually has magic powers.

NO - but it was money well spent.

Found Footage Festival 1-4

Low res gold

Joe Pickett and Nick Prueher host the found footage festival, showcasing their vast collection of video found at garage sales and secondhand stores around america - covering such 80s topics as jazzercise, hunks, inline skating and video dating as well as always relevant rapping training videos, how to seduce women, use computers and train your cat to use the toliet.

Look out for superstar appearances including Hulk Hogan, Goldie Hawn (talking to kids about abortion!), Michael Bolton, Corey Haim and the dad from Growing Pains.


Strangers


Hunks


Monkey Jockeys


YES - my code word was "blue ocean" thanks mum!

Animal Kingdom

This incredibly good looking, great sounding, well acted film is written and directed by David Michod. It's so well executed it's hard to believe it's his first feature.

Set in Melbourne, this tells the story of 17 year old Jay (James Frecheville excellent) who moves in with his grandmother "Smurf" and her 3 adult criminal sons. Smurf nurtures this life style and loathes the police who are surveilling their home with the intent of taking them out one by one. Her performance has been highlighted as stand out but it's not as as strong as newcomer Frecheville or craggy Ben Mendelson as the sinister Pope (If you want to see a truly terrifying crime matriarch check out the television series Funland)

Michod has the knack of achieving some very tense scenes, not scary at all - cops checking out a deserted car, Josh asking his girlfriends dad to give him a ride to the shops or Pope carrying a sleeping girl to her bed - I'm not sure how Michod does it but these scenes are all hand sweatingly tense to watch.

YES - from the beginning you know you're watching something special

Tourist Trap

Ah the sunny, slim 70s.

Some friends are on a roadtrip, get a flat tire, one goes missing the rest end up at a weird dudes house who has a lot of mannequins.

This is really strange - yeah there's a crazy guy but he seems to have magic powers as well. He could have just been a psycho who likes to dress up (as a mannequin) and make his victims into mannequins, but they've given him powers as well for some reason, not that he really uses them for anything apart from making mannequins dance around.

YES - guy really likes mannequins

Afghan Star

Afghan Star is the most attractive and rapturous show in Afghanistan (this is from the shows website - Afghan Star)

This documentary follows the finals of the forth session of Afghan Star, an American Idol style tv show. Four finalists, 2 men and 2 woman sing their hearts out and hope they are voted in by viewers to become the next Afghan Star.

It's hard to fathom the differences each generation of Afghanistan must experience from the liberal 80s to an Islamic State controlled by the Taliban where music and dancing is banned. The actual show is terrible, much like all the other versions of it but there's so much more at stake here - just to see men and woman performing together from all different backgrounds and the audience being able to text their vote and it actually counts, this shitty show becomes a catalyst for change.

Entertaining, sad but ultimately hopeful so much can change in such a short time and the population of Afghanistan is youth heavy so the future can only be one filled with music.

YES - I love the awesome lyrics of the songs "the sting of your eyebrow is like a scorpion sting sting sting !"

Cthulu

This is a modern take on the Lovecraft story - The Shadow Over Innsmouth, in which a guy stumbles upon a decrepit town of strange fishmen who worship ocean god Dagon. There's already a film called Dagon however so they had to go with his cousin Cthulu.

It's a first film written and directed by Dan Gildark and it's actually surprisingly ok if somewhat 90s music video towards the end.

Russell returns to his hometown after his mother dies and ends up staying for a while. His father is the (cult) leader of the local church and seems preoccupied with preparations. He runs into an old lover and finds a mysterious object as well as some mysterious fish men.

The most unusual thing about this film is the tender relationship between Russell and Mike. The strangest is Tori Spelling raping a gay guy.

NO - like recent Clive Barker movies but less terribly exquisite.