The Road

A man and boy walk through a world that is dying after some unexplained event.

There are no animals, no power and it's fucking freezing. Many people have turned to violence and cannibalism to survive however the boy who was born after this event is being taught by his moralistic father to "hold onto the fire", their humanity, no matter how desperate their situation becomes.

This looks amazing. The world is made up of composite shots of real flood and fire footage. Every scene is haunting with the only strong colour being used in flashback.

Viggo does some of his best work as the solo father - desperate, devoted and selfless. The boy seems ethereal not of this world and he isn't really, born after the disaster knowing nothing of what was, he is looked upon in awe by others and the man refers to him as a god meaning that the boy is the only reason he hasn't perhaps killed people or done something much worse.

Every encounter with other people in this film is filled with fear or suspicion it seems so bleak but aren't we living like this now? we don't fear being eaten but what about being stabbed while doing your job driving a taxi, being raped while walking home across the park or simply being lied to and ripped off? 

Ultimately this is about humanity and loved ones. These people being the reason to keep your humanity not because you fear being punished by a supernatural being but because of love.

YES - hell is other people, sometimes.

Body Bags

Directed and scored by John Carpenter this is a relatively late entry into the pantheons of the portmanteau horror film.

John plays the mandatory ghoulish shit one liner host and the 3 stories that he introduces are all pretty cheesy.

The first tale is of a petrol station attendant who is pursued by a madman, the second a more creative story of vanity and brain sucking hair snakes and last is Tobe Hoopers story of possession by eye transfusion. This last story features a crazed Mark Hamill humping and strangling his wife at the same time.

It's all very 90s and what Debbie Harry and Twiggy are doing in this is completely beyond me.

YES - but only to see Mark Hamill looking like a possessed Ned Flanders.

Whole a Documentary

Whole is a documentary about a group of men from different countries who all want to/have become amputees by choice.

They all grew up imagining being amputees and pretending to be one by using a peg leg, crutches or as one man still does bind his leg and wear baggy trousers when he goes out.

This is now officially recognised as Body Integrity Identity Disorder, a neurological disorder that leaves the sufferer feeling that part of their body is not their own and that unless it's removed they will not feel complete.

This is shot in such a straight forward uninteresting way that the subject matter becomes less outlandish. There are no explanations offered, why mostly men and just legs for instance, just each person's story which are all very similar. The most interesting being the two men who actually destroy their own legs.

The disturbing part is not being allowed to have their legs removed and being driven to drill, shoot or freeze them off themselves. It seems strange that cosmetic surgery or a sex change is acceptable in the medical world but removing a healthy limb at the request of the sufferer who obviously has issues and has done so since they were very young is not.


YES - if you can imagine it then it's happening in the world right now.  

Stingray Sam

Stingray Sam is an excon working as a lounge singer when he's visited by an old jail buddy. If they find a missing child, their records will be cleared and they can live as free men.

This is director and star, Corey McAbees' (he plays stingray and also a sweet ukulele) second film after the black and white musical space western that was The American Astronaut. This is also a black and white musical space western which was made as a serial in 6 parts to purchase and view on phones or music players. It's being shown at some festivals/theatres in one piece but very limited.

A bit hitchhikers guide and a bit flight of the conchords it's a unique piece of film made with love.

Someone give this man some more money please so he can make another black and white musical space western (or a black and white musical werewolf horror which is actually on the cards)




In the future rich men can become pregnant to father sons, but which father does the boy get named after...

YES - inspired.

Synecdoche, New York

It means when something is referred to indirectly by naming a small part or alternatively a whole part. Confused? you will be.

Hypochondriac playwright Caden receives a grant to create his masterpiece. This play drags on for years and becomes more elaborate and pointless and he recreates New York inside a giant warehouse, casts doppelgangers to play versions of himself and watches as they live more fulfilling relationships than he does.

Ultimately the play seems like it will never be completed and Caden remains alone and unable to accept any part of his life, the good or bad parts. All too late his life is over without ever having lived it or realising that the shitty, sad and difficult parts aren't failures but actually make up part of the living.

Starts off really interesting. Catherine Keaner is fantastic as always and Phillip Seymour Hoffman perfect as the morose Caden (but how did he end up with a woman like Adele?) however some way into this very long seeming 2 hours, maybe when Caden becomes his ex wife's cleaning lady or when he casts Ellen Barkin to play himself, the film just becomes a collection of short peculiar scenes, somehow detached from the whole of what should be a moving piece of film.

NO - starts off tight but soon unwinds into a mess.  

Fantastic Mr Fox

Wes Anderson has a unique tone and vocabulary going on in all his films and this is no different. The philosophical writing, eccentric characters and sweet soft rock soundtracks are a feature of all his work from the break out Bottle Rocket to the great Life Aquatic and not so great Darjeeling Limited. Keep this in mind if you're expecting a children's film because it's not.

Mr Fox gave up poaching when he became a father however it's in his blood and he plans one last big job with the help of his nice but dim mole friend. Meanwhile he must keep this secret from his wife, hold down his newspaper job, move house, host an exchange student and reassure his son that he's an athlete and of course this being a Wes Anderson film ponder who he is and what his purpose in life is.

The only bad thing about this is that George Clooney and Bill Murray have very distinctive voices and it's hard to not think of these two actors when their characters are on screen otherwise the animation is stunning, homespun and quite unusual.

YES - animals wearing little coats and pants!

Sherlock Holmes

I like Sherlock Holmes the character and Robert Downey the actor, I don't even mind Guy Ritchie although his directing style is extremely 90s, but I could smell a shitty smell when I watched the trailer. I hoped that whoever cut it together just went with a bad slapstick tone slow motion fist fight but alas this is a piece of shit.

Sherlock and his partner Watson  investigate some mysterious goings on including a man who has seemingly returned from the grave and a secret masonry cult. Sherlock runs into an old flame and has a slow motion fist fight along the way.

It's all very red bull and while Robert is an appealing shambles of a Sherlock you don't get the coolness or the misanthropy of  Doyle's character or the heroin for that matter.

Like each generation has their definitive Doctor Who, people who like Holmes would have their favourite actor who played him and for me it's Jeremy Brett the television Holmes, his Holmes and ranga Watson could beat Robert and Jude in a slow motion fist fight any day.