The Cabin in the Woods

Woah high concept man

5 friends go away for a weekend trip to a remote cabin that unbeknownst to them is a high tech big brother style cage controlled by some nerdy suits who are in actuality performing a ritual to appease the ancient ones and stop them from rising again (!).

This is all very wink wink and I was appreciating the satire but getting a bit sidetracked so I checked how long was left to watch and what? still 29 minutes where else can this fucking thing go?

I'll tell you where - down an underground elevator into a huge underground complex where everything listed in the picture above plus their friends and family make an appearance in an absolutely insane free for all. It's completely fucked. I never knew I had wanted to see something like that so much before. Thanks the movies.

YES - death by unicorn

The Dark Knight Rises

I actually liked this better than Dark Knight which most people seem to think is the stand out of director Chris Nolan's trilogy.

Batman's been retired for 8 years and has a bung leg but when a masked terrorist takes over Gotham threatening to set off a nuclear weapon, Bruce Wayne suits up one last time.

You should know what to expect by now - a ridiculous gravely voiced batman, an amazing looking Gotham city, loyal Alfred, subdued colours, inept police and theatrical villains and this final film is no different.

The villain of this film, Bane will either work for you or he won't and it's because of his voice. Personally I think the plummy British voice coming out of a muscly pile of metal face is great and I think Tom Hardy does a great job at (a) getting so huge and (b) not physically overacting like the tic ridden Joker. His mask stays on the entire film and while you do kind of wonder what's under there, ultimately it's better that we don't see another boiled egg Vader or a grinning sparkle skull two face.

My favorite scenes are the intro plane hijack which is very unique and thrilling, Batman making his first re appearance to the delight of an old school cop who tells a rookie "you're in for a show tonight son", any scene with Michael Caine in it (apart from the over the top funeral scene) and the batwing scenes. This batwing is a strange design that sort of looks like a weird lobster tail - sounds strange but sure looks great making impossible maneuvers through the streets of Gotham.

Chris is a smart guy so I don't know why everything is spelled out for the viewer so thoroughly. I don't want inception but I don't want my hand held, gripes aside (that nuclear physicist sure does fast work) this is a perfect conclusion to the dark knight trilogy. It's the right time for Batman to retire for real from film for a while so here's hoping the studios can wait a couple of years before the inevitable young blood reboot.

YES - thanks Chris

Clownhouse

I'm working through Sam Rockwell's filmography which led me to Clownhouse, his first feature.  It's a late eighties slasher that's not especially scary unless you share the youngest brothers fear of clowns or unless you know the director is a convicted pedophile.

With their parents away Sam is left to look after his younger brothers. They go to the circus where after the show, 3 insane asylum escapees murder the real clowns, dress up in their costumes and head off into the night.

Three guesses as to where they end up.

There's no gore just a lot of he's right behind you! which is surprisingly effective. The clowns don't speak which is a nice touch but they don't look especially demented either - they just needed to be scarier, not pennywise scary just more unhinged.

NO - after having watched this film I found out that the director Victor Salva, molested the 12 year old actor who played the youngest brother. This makes it hard to recommend the film even though I enjoyed watching it. It's something I'm conflicted about. I believe art can be separated from the individual but I don't believe a person should be allowed to work in an environment that exacerbates their deviance.